Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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