Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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