I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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