I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As shirtless as possible
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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