There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
