the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize