nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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