This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
