there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
