I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
