Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
