How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
