If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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