i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
