ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry about my life...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
