She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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