Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My feet surprised me
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