I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
