So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
