I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
