I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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