The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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