Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
