I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
