He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
