the condom got lost in my hair
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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