laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
