He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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