Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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