I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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