Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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