I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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