Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
