like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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