i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
