I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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