the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
