just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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