doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
