Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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