A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
