I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
