So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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