I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
