I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
