She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
