i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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