Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
