last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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