grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she pinky promised me she was 18
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
