69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
