I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
