Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
