I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
