hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
