Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
