Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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