party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Randomize
