I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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