Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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