Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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