OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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