i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
