Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
