It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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