I cannot find my penis.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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