You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
