Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
