She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
