We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize