I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
now i know why i became what i already was.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She even gives head with a lisp.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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