I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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